I Need Better Health Insurance
by Colonel Mustard 8
Summary: A response to windscryer's 100 Themes Challenge. 100 humorous pre-season oneshots about the friendship between Shawn and Gus. Might contain some drama, maybe even poorly written angst, but mostly humor.


I decided to give this 100 Theme challenge another try, except this time with a different list. I've also decided that as far as oneshots go, I'm best at ShawnGus friendship ones, so I made that the common theme. These may be long, short, pre-season, post-season, or whatever. But they will all contain ShawnGus friendship and humor.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Psych or any of its characters. I do own the plot and any characters I make up.

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Introduction

"Class, may I have your attention, please?" Ms. Reynolds asked in her high-pitched voice. She stood in the front of the classroom with a very nervous-looking boy while the rest of the children ran around the room crazily. One brown-haired boy with freckles was actually climbing up a bookshelf while the other kids threw their toys at him.

"Class," Ms. Reynolds tried again, to no avail. "Class!" The children clearly weren't listening. "Shut up you little puke machines!!!" the slightly bi-polar first grade teacher shrieked. The whole class instantly froze and stared in silence at the teacher, scared of what she might do next. Even the boy who'd been climbing the bookshelf was frozen in place, a terrified look plastered on his innocent face.

"Thank you," Ms. Reynolds said, back to her sweet voice. "Now, class, today we have a – Shawn Spencer you get down from the bookshelf this instant!" The freckled boy on the shelf, still shocked by his teacher's craziness, let go of the bookshelf and fell onto the 'Reading Rug' with a soft thump.

"Thank you," Ms. Reynolds said again. "As I was saying, today we have a new student." Ms. Reynolds gestured to the boy next to her, who was nervous for several reasons. He was nervous because it was his first day of first grade. He was nervous because it was his first day at a school in Santa Barbara. He was nervous because his new teacher appeared to be a psychopath. And he was most nervous because he was afraid his teacher was going to make him do one of those embarrassing introductions in front of the whole class.

"His name is Burton Guster, and, well, I'll let him introduce himself," Ms. Reynolds said, walking Burton to the front and center of the classroom. Burton looked around at his audience. The boys were all wearing jeans and t-shirts, and the girls had either jeans and t-shirts as well or overall jumpers. Burton looked down at his own button-down shirt and dress pants and immediately realized he was overdressed. All eyes were on him. He cleared his throat.

"Uh, my name's Burton Guster," he said shakily. "I just moved here from Seattle, and –"

"_Burton?_" A kid sitting on the Reading Rug said. "What kind of name is _that?_"

"I don't know," Burton replied. "It's just my name. I was named after my Uncle…"

"I think it's stupid," a little girl chimed in from the corner.

"Yeah," someone else agreed. Burton looked down at his feet, too embarrassed to continue. He thought about pretending to be sick so he could go home, but then he heard someone else speak up.

"Shut up!"

Burton looked up and saw that it was the freckled boy that was climbing on the bookshelf.

"You're last name's Beeberson, that's a _way_ stupider name than Burton," he yelled at the girl that called Burton's name stupid. The rest of the class giggled and the girl let out a huff of defeat and turned to face the wall.

"That's enough, class," Ms. Reynolds said. "Burton, since Shawn seems to be taking a liking to you, you can sit next to him." Burton nodded and walked across the classroom, a little less nervous when he saw that there was someone there that stood up for him. "Let's gather on the Reading Rug!" Ms. Reynolds called out.

"Hi, I'm Shawn," Shawn said when Burton took a seat next to him.

"I'm Burton," Burton said. Shawn winced.

"Yeah, I know," Shawn said. "I think we should think of a cool nickname for you. Do you have any nicknames?"

"My Mom calls me Gussy Goose," Burton said, immediately regretting it right after he said it. Shawn winced again.

"That's not much better," he said. "How about just…Gus?" Gus thought about it. No one would make fun of the name Gus. It sounded a lot more normal than Burton or Gussy Goose.

"I like it," Burton said.

"All right, so from now on, you're Gus," Shawn said. "Hey Gus?"

"What?"

"I think we should run. I put a cricket in Ms. Reynolds' hair a few seconds ago, and she'll notice it pretty soon." Ms. Reynolds shrieked at the top of her lungs, flailing around the Reading Rug like a crazy person.

"Shawn!" she screamed. Burton, Gus, got up and ran out of the room with Shawn right beside him, wondering what kind of horrible mistake he'd made by sitting next to Shawn Spencer.

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Please review! 


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